How to Date Someone You Work With and Live With at the Same Time
Decided today I would get a little personal on my blog.
You may or may not know, I met the love of my life on my first day of my first big girl office job. Interesting enough, I work in fashion as a Textile Designer in for Iron Mountains, Nuna Baby Essentials and Joie Baby Global corporate office. So how did I meet this special man? Let me get into that first before I explain how to handle these types of situations.
On my first day of work the girl who was training me kept having tons of computer problems, and we had to call IT over all day to fix our server issues. Lucky me, and young man came walking over with the main IT guy and introduced himself to me. He told me he had just started a month ago and explained to me where he came from, how he got the job, and where he went to school. I wasn't initially attracted to him, but I could feel some sort of magnetic pull.
Anyways, weeks went on and more computer problems would arise where he was at my desk all day, or I would see him walking by. This didn't bother me and I always felt the slightest bit of joy everytime I knew Nick had to come over to desk.
Eventually, a month or so went by of us talking outside of work, going on a few dates and deciding to make things official. Always being together, we soon decided I would move into his small apartment and that we would make things work.
I was a little hesitant about moving in only because I didn't want to get sick of being around the same person all the time. I always told myself I would never date someone I worked with because I didn't want everyone in my business, or what if something went wrong? Or that I would even get sick of the person too quickly.
At work, you get to see how a person thinks and acts. You get to see his or her sense of humor. Work is a safe place to observe a person and interact with him or her, and a great place to get to know someone you might get involved with romantically. Years ago, it was considered very 'not done' to date a co-worker, but those days are long gone.
As long as you conduct yourself professionally, the worst thing that can happen when you date a colleague is that if the relationship doesn't work out, the interaction may be uncomfortable enough that one of you decides to leave the organization or at least the department.
So now onto the main part of the article... How do we make working together work?
1. Take it slow.
People sometimes act differently at work than they do in their personal life. Before you risk hurting your reputation at work, find out if this person is someone you'd want to spend weekends with. Some jobs are not okay with dating in the office. Take things slow to find out how others may feel about this type of situation.
2. Keep things quiet.
No need to send a blast email with "the news" of you and your cube-mate's new relationship. People either don't care, will think it's obnoxious or inappropriate, or will get jealous.
Be discreet about your relationship. No one wants to see your PDA either.
If the rumor mill goes into high gear, then might be the right time to talk about your relationship. If nobody seems to notice, there's no reason to share.
3. Get on the same page.
You and your partner need to agree on some ground rules and come up with a plan for how you will keep it professional and stay within written or unwritten rules. What will be your plan 'B' if the heat is on from a supervisor, from gossip, or if things go awry.
4. Stay professional at all times.
Nick and I barely speak to each other at work unless I need help with something. This also helps our living at home situation. You want your colleagues and customers to look at you professionally, right? You may have the burden of overcompensating with professionalism and keeping an artificial distance, which can be an awkward strain. Better to overcompensate than to constantly test the limits of workplace etiquette while hoping for the best. Focus on work and do your job.
5. Keep quarrels/disagreements out of the work fray.
Again — nobody wants or needs to know about what's happening with your love life. Two lovers fighting over doing dishes in the next cube and you have one unhappy coworker, who you may catch sauntering to HR. Also, it's entirely unprofessional to complain about your personal relationships at work, whether you're dating a colleague or not.
How do we making working together and living together work?
1. Enough Physical Space
I cannot stress how important this is!!! There are days where Nick and I don't even hang out. Many couples decide to share a space in order to share the cost of living. By physical space, I am referring to areas of the house or apartment that you can escape to without hearing your partner breathe. This spot can be a simple corner desk in the living room or a spacious chair to lounge on and read. The key is to be able to be alone in your own home. You can live in a one bedroom, one living room, cramped kitchen apartment as long as you have your sacred space. Also, don’t forget closet space. Too many clothes? Look into building a clothing rack that can double as a space divider.
2. Communication
An element of any successful relationship is communication amongst both parties. When it comes to living together, communication is key and it helps to drive the relationship to a healthy place and helps to keep resentments from forming. When living together, it is common to get on each other’s nerves and to bicker; these things even happen when couples don’t live together. Communicate about what bothers you and communicate about what makes you happy. You might see each other every day but a simple, ‘You look good today’ could be the thing that picks your partner up and allows to still feel special. Remember to communicate your wants and needs and be open to the needs of your partner.
3. Realistic Expectations
Successful couples don’t expect the world from each other. They realize that their relationship is an addition to their life rather than their whole life. People fight, people disagree, and sometimes people just don’t like each other. With a solid enough foundation, any couple can dislike each other for a day while remaining in love and together for the long run. Manage your expectations and remember that just like a roommate, your partner has the power and ability to irritate you to no end.
7. Shared Household Duties
Figure out what you both like to do when it comes to household chores. Most of the time, couples luck out and realize that the chef in the relationship hates to do dishes while the eater doesn’t mind them at all. Learn to compromise and share tasks if your likes and dislikes don’t align. Oh, and be aware that your first fight will be directly related to the way you do or don’t clean something. Congratulations, you’ve made to cohabitation.
